I am a Chud and i like Espeon

Poketroon dust

I'm a coomer but i prefer umbreon

troon here i think sylveon as a tranny mascot is cringe but its a good mon

^white troonyfornian

Hey everyone, did you know that in terms of competitive gameplay, Flareon is the most useless eeveelution for the job? While it does have an impressive attack stat of 130, which might be tempting for some people to use it for the big dance, what they don’t know is that the rest of its stats are a literal dumpster fire. I mean, do you think you're going to get far with a defense stat of 60? The answer is nope. Its speed and HP stat of 65 won't help matters either. Besides, what does this thing have going for it? Last Resort and Lava Plume, and that's pretty much it. Not to mention that Flareon couldn't even learn Flare Blitz until Generation VI, which sounds nice until you remember the move has recoil damage. With its abysmal HP, atrocious special attack, woeful speed, and horrible defense, Flareon will inevitably be the first Pokémon on your team to faint, which will happen a lot unless you keep healing it or swap it out for something useful. However, there is actually a way for you to make your Flareon really useful, and I know the process for it, too. First, you need to kill your Flareon with any method you see fit. It doesn't matter if it's quick or slow. The only thing that matters is that it's dead. After that, you need to skin its corpse for its fur in order to create something like a fur scarf, a pillowcase, or a towel, depending on your personal preference. But if that doesn't work, then you can go obtain multiple Flareons and keep repeating the process to obtain more fur to create larger objects like fur coats, blankets, bedsheets, rugs, etc. Also, since its fur can reach high temperatures, you'll never experience hypothermia again.

>Chud picking the nigger dog instead of Aryan Jolteon
unrealistic

Vaporeon was NEVER compatible for breeding with humans at all! Firstly, they are not even in the Human-Like egg group, and most of them are male anyway. Since the 4chan post warped the facts about Vaporeon's biology, I will now clarify this matter. Hydration only works in the rain, and Water Absorb, which has a more dangerous ability that I'll elaborate more on soon, doesn't mean your Vaporeon will turn white after you pull out. I know this because I cleaned sperm bank toilets long ago. Their eel-like skin makes it impossible to grope them too. Also, what the 4chan post failed to mention is that Vaporeon can control water telepathically, meaning it can create Kyogre-like tsunamis at will, and, thanks to moves like Scald, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, and Hyper Beam, Vaporeon has many more ways to unalive you. It can also learn Detect and Toxic too, so don't explore that "deep sea cave" for "treasure." Vaporeon can also force the very same water it can control to enter a person's orifice until they explode, as well as being able to enter any human orifice, just like the candiru fish, with it eventually reaching any vital organs in the human body and ensuring those organs rupture thanks to its water-based biology. This allows the Vaporeon to exit the newly created corpse easily. Now here is the ghastly truth about Water Absorb: since humans are 65% water, if a Vaporeon was inside a human body, it could absorb the water until the human was nothing more than a withered corpse. Oh, and here's a fun fact: if a Vaporeon rematerialized while it was inside your urethra, your wiener would instantly explode. As for the moves that Vaporeon can use to make itself horny, the thing is that the rest of Vaporeon's kin can learn those moves too, with Leafeon, Glaceon, and Umbreon (who has more results on Rule 34 and e621 than Vaporeon) having higher defense stats that would blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week. Acid Armor won't even change that.

Why are you writing paragraphs about shagging a dog?

@Chud: You are a supremely homosexual nusoipayaso

found the better version

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of competitive gameplay, Flareon is undeniably the most useless Pokemon? While it does have an impressive attack stat of 130, which might be tempting for some people to use it, don't be fooled by that one stat alone, because the rest of its stats are a literal dumpster fire. I mean, do you really think you're going to sweep the Elite Four with a Pokemon that has an embarrassingly bad defense stat of 60, as well as a speed and HP stat of 65? The answer is no. Not to mention that Flareon couldn't even learn Flare Blitz until Generation VI, which sounds great until you remember that the move has recoil damage. Speaking of moves, what does this thing have that is considered useful anyway? Flamethrower, Lava Plume, and, well, that's pretty much it. That fact alone, along with Flareon's abysmal HP, speed, and defense stats that I mentioned earlier, means it will inevitably be the first Pokemon on your team to faint faster than you can say "Fire Stone," which will happen a lot unless you keep reviving it or swap it out for something else. To say that this fuzzy little turd deserves all the mockery and contempt it gets is an understatement too big to ignore. Honestly, the only way to make your Flareon actually useful is to kill it and skin its lifeless corpse for its fur. Why? Well, the reason is that its fur can be used to create a wide variety of beneficial products, like fur scarves, fur coats, pillowcases, towels, bedsheets, rugs, and reusable anus wipes. Its fur can retain high temperatures even after death, so you'll never suffer from hypothermia again. With its horrible stats and a nonexistent movepool, Flareon is the perfect definition of the word "useless."