Beady-eyed Africans

Christians when they go to Heaven and see 1 billion beady-eyed Africans staring back at them through the Pearly Gates.
Pagans when they are carried to Valhalla and see 1 billion beady-eyed Africans staring back at them from Odin's mead hall.
Muslims when they go to Jannah and see 72 beady-eyed African virgins staring back at them from al-Firdaws.
Jews when they go to Sheol and see 1 billion beady-eyed Africans staring back at them.
Mormons when they go to Heaven and don't see 1 billion beady-eyed Africans because they are spawn of Laman and Lemuel.
Hindus when their reddit karma is too low and they're reincarnated as beady-eyed Africans.
Buddhists when they fail to escape Samsara and are reincarnated as beady-eyed Africans.
Sikhs when they are also reincarnated as beady-eyed Africans.
Atheists when they die and are demographically replaced with beady-eyed Africans.
Taoists when they produce an elixir of immortality to avoid ascending to Tian and encountering 1 billion beady-eyed Africans staring back at them, but then get stuck on Earth with 1 billion beady-eyed Africans anyway.
Vodouists when their ti bonnanj dissolves in the navel of the earth and their gwo bonnanj joins 1 billion beady-eyed Africans in the Ginen.
Rastafarians when the agents of Babylon (white people) wipe themselves out with nuclear weapons, leaving the earth to be ruled by beady-eyed Africans.
Zoroastrians when they cross the Chinvat Bridge and see 1 billion beady-eyed Africans staring back at them from Paradise.
Yazidis when they undergo metemphyschosis and become beady-eyed Africans.
Jaina when they are also reincarnated as beady-eyed Africans.
Satanists when they go to Hell and see 1 billion beady-eyed Africans staring back at them from the lakes of fire.
Esoteric Nazis when they try to reincarnate as an Aryan to save their Volk but they can't because all Aryans have been demographically replaced with beady-eyed Africans.
Blue Eisenhower Novemberists when they are anthropically selected for a universe where their conciousness is statistically more likely to be formed as a beady-eyed African than a Boltzmann brain.
Jedi Warriors when they become one with the Force and are merged with 1 billion beady-eyed African Force ghosts.
Agnostics when they can't empirically study which afterlife will cause them to encounter 1 billion beady-eyed Africans.