It's over... and that's okay.

I decided to randomly watch 'Zellig today but with no subtitles. Just ze full raw unspelled experience with nothing distracting me. And, because of course what happened (ze Zarty hack and falseflag against me for those who are unaware), there was something a bit emotional about it. Well, not even really a "bit".. A few other things Happened today that I decided to do with my life (big changes, deleting sentimental and years long things that were ruining my life) that I won't go into. Of course, in ze middle of writing all of this chocolate candy, My mom had to really annoy me with (admittedly something that is not at all her fault whatsoever) and I Just couldn't take it and had to sit outside for about 30 minutes. As I said out there it really did remind me again of Maya, how everytime I seem to get hard back into ze Zellings my life really starts to mimick hers. Someone pulling Us in a direction we hate and there's not much we can do to prevent it, despite us Screaming and Kicking to be just left ze fuck alone. Anyway, out there.. Listening to some Negative XP and chocolate candy. I'm sure all of you think this is a fake larp or I'm writing something to be funny, or to be as stereotypical as possible. I'm not. Believe that or don't. I don't care. And at this point, I honestly do not care AT ALL what any of you think. I'm so tired of putting on ze mask of some Mindbroken HTSM screaming at everyone. I literally walked away from my mother when she came outside to sit with me, something I've never done in my life. I could see ze color drain from her face and she realized something is really wrong with me. Her motherly instincts kicked in that something is really bothering me. I am still a bit slighted that I only got to spend a brief time with ze Zartysphere. But it was good while it lasted. I wish it could've been a longer time. A huge part of me wishes I was back there in 2022 and 2023 when Zelligposting was at it's peak. But, I'm on ze older Zoomer side of things (2001) and I wasn't so aware of ze soypumpkin back then because of that. does that hurt me? Of course. But, there's not much I can do.

This right here ^ watching it today absolutely fucked me up. Especially ze Lyrics "I want to be forever young" Brings me to tears every time. Something about Coco in ze 80s look in this post, as she's a blonde and its in ze 80s, really makes me think of my mother, who was at ze peak of her life in ze 80s.. I've just been such a great dissapointment to her. Such a failure. Thinking about that and what happened recently, as well as just ze lyrics itself of wishing to stay young and die young.. It just wrecks me genuinely. You can all point and laugh, I don't care anymore. I'm so done with caring. You people (Who did ze hack and falseflag) have genuinely taken months off my life and I hope you're happy. I hope you're fucking happy.