Stupid

I try finding pleasure in living constantly, but it simply seems I'm not the only person who does that, I'm alive but not actually living, every day to me is monotonous, it's loud, but only I can truly feel the silence
I do everything right, I do what I'm told, I don't talk back anymore, it's acceptance even if it makes me feel incredibly small, forgettable, but I'm not special, I will never be special in my life and so in others lives.
I can say anything, I can do anything if I wanted to, but it won't change the fact I want to vanish from this world I once dreamed so dearly to live in, when my feet stop touching the floor, my eyes close, my body stops to squirm and my breath finally fades in just a few minutes, my last minutes alive and of my existence.
What's left? The silence, my silence, of someone who won't come back
(This is so stupid, stupid)