Let me tell you how I almost trooned out when I was a kid

I was born with severe high-functioning autism, and my father used to abuse me as a kid because of it.
I have great difficulty controlling my emotions, and it was much worse when I was young. I used to cry a lot as a kid. I didn't wanted to cry, but I just couldn't hold my tears whenever something bad happens to me. I literally couldn't. After all, I was like 5 to 11 back then.
And whenever I cry for any reason, my father beat me and yelled at me. He always said "boys don't cry". But I actually tried really hard not to cry. My father just didn't listen to me. It was so painful that I even thought about removing lacrimal gland when I become adult.
Due to my father saying shits like "boys shouldn't cry" and "only girls can cry", I started to wanting to be a girl, so my father wouldn't beat me anymore. I hated my father so much. My childhood life was a living hell. So when I was like 13 to 14, I thought about trooning out when I grow up.
I actually think God saved me from the fate of trooning out. I still thank him for that. If I didn't became a chud, I would have been trooned out in 2022 or something. I wanted to say a lots of bad stuffs about my father, but the Bible says you can't curse your own parents, so I won't.