my toaster is acting like it has opinions again

ok so i’m not saying my toaster is sentient, but i am saying it’s starting to feel like it has a little personality and unfortunately it’s kind of a hater
like it still technically toasts bread, but now it does this fun little “surprise! one side is golden retriever, the other side is emotionally unavailable ex” thing. very 2014 tumblr breakup energy
also it’s started popping the toast early like it’s trying to say “that’s enough carbs for you today, babes 💅” which honestly… rude but maybe fair
this morning i swear it clicked after i muttered “i can’t do this today” and i need everyone to know i am NOT emotionally ready for kitchen appliances to start participating in my mental health journey
it’s giving:
– passive aggressive roommate
– freelance barista energy
– “i only respond to espresso and trauma”
i tried unplugging it and plugging it back in like it was my emotional support router but it didn’t change anything. if anything it felt more confident afterwards, which i don’t love for me
anyway just wondering if anyone else’s kitchen has slowly turned into a low-stakes indie film or if i should stop anthropomorphizing appliances and drink more water 👍