Paranoid
Quis furor, ô jannie !
Paranoid
Quis furor, ô jannie !
Meditating for 1 hour made me lose my humanity ( can you tell I used to use Reddit yet )
<--/
After 1 hour of scattered meditation ( A failed attempt at astral projecting ) I found myself free of all desire.
I have never been in a state like this before, I didn't know such a state of being existed for humans. The total absence of want or greed.
All I could think about when i came out of the trance was how I should probably get something to eat.
<--/
All my worries, anxieties and all thoughts of my past seemed to vanish for almost 15 minutes. In this state of freedom from desire, I noticed that without desire,
i had no self. I was just another human walking around this planet doing what i wanted to do to contribute to the ever turning economic wheel.
I saw myself as i see every person I don't know. I saw myself in the present, the absolute present, and everything that made me and everything i wish to become
simply stopped existing. I couldn't pull anything into memory, I couldn't explain my situation, i just had to make food and I understood that that was
all I amounted to in this moment. Another human taking a break to make food.
<--/
'Psychonauts' describe the total loss of self as an 'ego death', the issue being you are hardly aware of the ego death in the moment.
I was completely aware of this loss of self; it felt so unnatural to walk knowning that, I was simply just like everyone else.
Not a number, but more like a machine. A clone of a clone of a machine. Just another ant in an ant colony going about their duties.
<--/
That made me question what being human really meant. Was the human experience designed for you to always be emotional? Vulnerable to how you feel in the moment?
Does abandoning your desire abandon your humanity?
I returned to a somewhat normal state after finishing making my food after I remembered that my little pony exists and i want to watch an episode.
My desire to consume this media had completely disappeared only moments earlier.
<--/
Buddhists talk about enlightenment; becoming enlightened after meditating for days on end.
What do they see? What do they discover about reality that explains our existence? Do they really attain a new state of being?
<--/
My working theory is, when you remove desire completely from your life, a new state of being emerges. A state that doesn't demand emotional vulnerability, or desire.
A new desire emerged after this session and it was to find out what you become once all desire is gone, forever.
<--/
An important thing I should mention; when the state was over I found a renewed motivation to continue working, something I'm only familiar with after long
periods of abstinence from work itself. It's like the debate I always have to have with myself if I wish to be productive never took place.
I still feel this lingering sense that there's no reason I should be busy at all. Like all my priorities have flipped on their heads and I've begun re-aligning.
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
Paranoid
Quis furor, ô jannie !
1 month ago#1602315
I just knew it was some random paki but I thought it was too funny to care aboutgegShow quoted text
Thinking about the time I went to a public gym in a city centre and I left a disposable water bottle I was using on a sink, unattended for 1 minute, and someone stole it
£1 in a vending machine, and he took it
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
1 month ago#1602321
gyms are always filled with strange peopleI just knew it was some random paki but I thought it was too funny to care aboutShow quoted text
gegShow quoted text
Thinking about the time I went to a public gym in a city centre and I left a disposable water bottle I was using on a sink, unattended for 1 minute, and someone stole it
£1 in a vending machine, and he took it
Paranoid
Quis furor, ô jannie !
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
1 month ago#1602408
last time i went to a gym it was full of old people
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
1 month ago#1602429
the cheapest onesnigga what gyms are you going toShow quoted text
last time i went to a gym it was full of old people
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
1 month ago#1602445
i dont have to pay for sex nobaldi does this ^>being too broke for any better gyms because you spent all your money on prostitutesShow quoted text
the cheapest onesShow quoted text
nigga what gyms are you going toShow quoted text
last time i went to a gym it was full of old people
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
GoyRoyaleWon
Leaving this world isn't as scary as it seems
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