Some thoughts about life that I’d like to share before my surgery

In two weeks I’ll be undergoing a surgical procedure because of my already known heart condition. This surgery has a mortality rate that can range from 6% to 10%, but considering the deformity I have in both my right ventricle and my arteries, that risk gets close to 12%. For anything else, this would normally be considered a low probability, but when what’s at stake is my life, that 12% suddenly becomes a very risky bet. Even though I believe God is on my side, over these past two weeks I’ve been having trouble sleeping every day. I’ve been thinking about myself, my parents, my sister, my failures—and when I think about everything I might never get to accomplish if those 12% end my journey, I can’t help but tremble with fear. In any case, I believe everything will go well, and I’ll be able to come back here and talk about everything I went through with relief and happiness for having overcome another challenge. It’s from this perspective, as someone who has already suffered a lot, that I come here to share with you some things I’ve learned throughout life that might help you chuds who are just starting your journey. I want to leave a positive mark on this site and in the life of anyone who reads this—whether I come back from the surgery or not is irrelevant compared to what I have to teach you in this wordswordswords text.
To begin, I think it’s worth telling you a bit about myself. I’m a 22-year-old man, 1.89 meters tall, living in a third-world country in South America. Even though I live in a country that many might consider a shithole, I’ve lived 22 happy years surrounded by people who love me, in a comfortable town in the countryside. I’ve always been intelligent and dedicated my time to many areas. Despite that, I’ve never dated or had any intimate contact with a woman in my life geg. My childhood was okay—I was a loving child and loved by my family—but I can’t say the same about school. Like most of you, I suffered a lot of bullying, and the reason was that I was never taught how to defend myself from classmate's provocations, so my response was often to cry. My whole life was like that, actually—I was often immature and didn’t know how to deal with adversity. It wasn’t due to a lack of upbringing from my parents; it was a complex I developed myself as a defense against the real world. I behaved like a boy while the world demanded that I be a man. Many of us end up losing sight of what it really means to be a man—not in terms of sex, but the ideal of masculinity itself. A man needs to be stoic to the right degree, needs to think calmly and rationalize what he feels. That requires experience, discipline, effort, and a good male role model—and that model can be anyone, but most often it will be your dad.
If you have a dad, respect him, love him, and take him as an example when you’re in doubt. I didn’t value my father enough for much of my life; that only changed when I started living with him and understood what responsibility means. Because he was always working to provide for me and my mother (even though they were separated), he didn’t have the chance to teach me moral values early on, and I think if I had learned more from him, I wouldn’t have gone through the hell I went through during my teenage years. Your dad is someone you must respect. If you don’t have one for whatever reason, find someone upright and use them as a reference when making decisions—just choose wisely and read a lot to learn what your father didn’t teach you. Learning to recognize limits, obey patiently, and take life seriously are part of what it means to be a real man. So if you have the humility to recognize that you’re immature, talk to your father—he WILL have answers. Then study, read, learn, and listen without raising your voice, with the humility to admit you’re inexperienced, have much to learn and nothing to teach.
Now I’ll talk to those going through hard times and who think there’s no way out. I once heard a phrase from my dad that I’ll never forget: you don’t have—and never will have—the right to take the life of your parents’ child. You’re young; compare your life to someone older and you’ll see you haven’t lived anything yet. Your sadness is just one of many phases your life will have until death, and depriving yourself of everything you could become is a tragedy to a man—a sign of immaturity, selfishness, and of being willing to transfer all your pain and suffering to those close to you. This is a forbidden thought—don’t dwell on it. Why do I say this? Because in my teenage years I made the mistake of trying to leave this world—an error that God allowed me to reverse. Everything I’m saying here is based on my mistakes, and I’m telling you so you can learn from them without bearing the consequences I did.
Now, a bit about psychologists, meds, and therapy in general. As a child, I unfortunately went through a traumatic experience that I kept silent about until I was 17 because I was afraid to tell those close to me. I let fear of being seen differently and embarrassment stop me from freeing myself from that emotional burden. That led me to trust a psychologist more than my own parents. Here’s a warning: in life there are no magic solutions that work for everyone. The education system is what it is, endless repetition, becouse it works for most people, but not all. Always expect you might be an exception. Just because most people say something works doesn’t mean it will for you. The same applies to therapy and psychologists. If you have no one and your burden is heavy, it makes sense to try treatment—but keep expectations low and remember that many people in that profession are there for MONEY, not because they genuinely care about you. The ones who truly care are your parents. The world today is chaotic—feeling sad and hopeless about the future is a normal reaction, but thinking it’s the end is not. Some psychologists will try to use your sadness to push meds down your throat, and these drugs can cause dependence and long-term effects. Antidepressants don’t make you happy—they just keep you from feeling sad. You feel nothing, like a ghost, a spectator of your own life. That was my case: I trusted a stranger with diplomas on the wall instead of my father. When I finally opened up to him, I felt infinitely more relief than tree months of therapy ever gave me. Trust your parents—they are the only people who unconditionally want your good and gave part of their lives to you without expecting anything in return.
Now, about pornography. You already know it’s bad, so I won’t dwell on that. Want to get out of it? Leave your comfort zone. When the urge hits, get up and leave the house. You can’t indulge in it outside a suitable environment. Visit a relative, go for a walk, ride a bike, go to the movies—even if the movie is terrible. Just leave and break the environment. Don’t you dare count the days you stay away from it—that just makes your life revolve around the addiction. Overcoming it isn’t about blocking sites or quitting social media—it’s about structuring your routine better. Exercise too. Masturbation is a way to release energy for easy dopamine—redirect that energy into physical activity evendoe don’t spend money on a gym; just go outside and run a few kilometers.
Finally, expectations about me and the community. I think Quote is a good admin—if he made mistakes, it was while trying to get things right. I don’t talk to him, but many like him, so I hope to have a friendly conversation with him someday. Mustard seems older than me, so be patient with the unc. Cobblestone is a sweet person who allways listens to what I have to say, she is a good admin, even if sometimes she has bad ideas—that’s part of it. Captain Coal once said that the community would cycle and die, but I don’t think that’s true—the user base keeps growing. I just think there should be more rulecucking regarding pornography, but overall things are good and in good hands. As for me, I’m not leaving anytime soon, and I hope to become a mod to help even more. This place feels like the only real space on the internet for me.
I think that’s it. When the day finally comes, I’ll let you know along with when I expect to return—so stay tuned. If you want to use this thread to vent or disagree with something I said, feel free. If even one or two things I said here resonated with you, that’s already more than enough.